In one of my favorite set of books as a teen, the stories always included a part where the main character was faced with the challenge of ‘jumping into the abyss’.
It was a powerful metaphor for permanently leaving behind an old unwanted self. Clearly, I mentally understood the wisdom of this. At the same time, I was controlled by my insane attachment to the problems, worries, and conflicts that I called ‘me’. Whenever they became threatened in any way, I immediately fell back within the cocoon of my own making.