Everyone has experienced the loneliness and frustration of not being in a relationship but wanting to be in one. Sometimes when we are single, we believe that we will never find a perfect lover/partner again. The prospect of finding our mate can feel so daunting – so, for all of you looking for your lover, this is for you!

First, check inside of yourself to see if there is anything holding you back. There are some very clear and common reasons why some people are not getting the relationship they dream about. Here are a few of the main ones:

  • You could be suffering from the pain of a failed relationship from the past. You may not even realize that the pain is still fresh and powerful enough to stop you from being open to a new relationship.
  • You may truly have such low self-esteem that you really don’t believe that anyone would want to be with you.
  • Perhaps your expectations are wildly outlandish.
  • It is also possible that you have a conflicting desire that is more powerful than your desire for a relationship. An example of this might be that your fear of a lover leaving you might be much stronger than your desire to be in a relationship. Therefore, you are manifesting staying safe by being alone instead.

One of the first steps to healing is to be very aware and clear about what you are thinking, feeling and believing. When our motives are more clear to us, then we gain the possibility of changing our direction.

Simultaneously, begin to build a strong willingness to go outside of your comfort zone and begin your search for a partner. Then, begin taking action to manifest the relationship you want.

Are you deprived? Desperate? Those feelings will not bring the dates you want! How can you change it? By giving yourself the things you wish you had from a partner. Be kind to yourself. Create an energy of receiving and goodness around you. Take yourself to the restaurant you have been waiting to go to. Go on a picnic or a walk on the beach. How about getting a massage or a facial? As you do these things try to feel a big sense of inner abundance. Feel your worth!

Are you shy? Have you ever asked anyone on a date? No? Then it is about time! Imagine that lots of people are shy, and no one wants to be rejected. As humans, it is one of our biggest fears. Try to approach dating a little like an experiment. Begin to strike up conversations with people in public that you don’t know. Watch your feelings. Watch their reaction. Research yourself! Then, when you feel more comfortable, ask someone out. You don’t have to say, “Hey do you want to go on a date with me?” You can say, “I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to have coffee or tea with me?” Imagine that you are making a new friend, instead of a romance.

Are you lacking confidence? Do you know that can sometimes come across as rude or uncaring? When I was 18, I went to a disco club called Pogo’s. I was sitting at a large round table by myself. My friends had all gone to dance to a very popular song. A young man walked up to the opposite side of the table, which was quite far because it was such a big table and knocked on it. I turned around and while he was looking down at the table, he asked me if I wanted to dance. I had no problem saying no. I did not necessarily think he lacked confidence. My thoughts were that he was rude and did not have the courtesy to approach me directly while looking at me and then ask me to dance. Okay, so you may not be able to gain confidence overnight. But you can practice kindness, which very often is seen as confidence! Be that caring, connected person that you feel you love to be around.

Are you too demanding? So many people have come to me wanting help seeking a partner. They want to know if something is wrong with them, or if they are being punished or tested. At some point, I ask them what they are looking for in a partner and they whip out a very long list! Here are some of the most common requests; PhD, (maybe a masters would suffice), lots of money, great retirement fund, physically beautiful, sexy, charming, interesting, funny, well-traveled, stays up-to-date on politics, sports fanatic, very physically fit, good family background, great career, wants children (sometimes doesn’t want children) religious/spiritual/atheist, happy all the time…..and the lists go on.

I ask people to re-approach their list. Make a list of how you want to feel in a relationship. Do you want to feel loved? Cherished? Wanted? Desired? Adored? Get it? This is a more realistic list! Better yet would be to throw the list away and simply open your heart!

Are you ashamed? Hiding is generally more painful than being exposed. When we are able to share our wants, desires, disappointments and loss of hope, others are invited to help us, heal us and heal themselves. We all begin to look around and realize that we are all the same. Ask for help and guidance. Everyone loves to be a matchmaker!

Are you judging yourself? Self-judgment can be overwhelming to overcome! It is important to not have a war with yourself or your situation. Can you believe, really believe, that others see your beauty, your gifts, your worth? Do YOU see your beauty, your gifts, your worth? If not, then begin to take an inventory of what a magnificent person that you are, so others can be invited to see your magnificence as well!

Last but not least, Surrender. Sometimes, we open up to receiving when we totally stop fighting our situation. This doesn’t mean we should stop looking or stop dating. It means that we should stop any war we have inside that says that we should be somewhere we are not, or have something we don’t, and all the reasons why that might be true. At the end of the day, our own anger towards our lives can block the good that is meant for us. Often times, we cannot see something wonderful right in front of us, because we are so depressed or intensely caught up in our pain. Trust your life. Trust.

I love you and send you wild prayers and energy for you to receive in your life of romance, whatever is perfect for you!