In one of my favorite set of books as a teen, the stories always included a part where the main character was faced with the challenge of ‘jumping into the abyss’.
It was a powerful metaphor for permanently leaving behind an old unwanted self. Clearly, I mentally understood the wisdom of this. At the same time, I was controlled by my insane attachment to the problems, worries, and conflicts that I called ‘me’. Whenever they became threatened in any way, I immediately fell back within the cocoon of my own making.
Once I undertook an intense spiritual path to awakening, these moments became much more defined and real. I quickly became aware that ‘jumping into the abyss’ meant that, in order for me to literally evolve, I had to actually leave behind all of my beliefs, my identity, everything I thought I knew, and ‘jump’ into the unknown.
This actually came as a surprise to me. Like most people, I was afraid to lose something, anything that I believed I owned. This could have been circumstances, things, lifestyle, people, and many other material things. It came as quite a shock to me, when I saw that it was not the world I must give up, but in fact, it was my description of the world that had to go. I had to release my beliefs about myself and the world. Those things I would wage a formidable war to sustain. Because without that, who would I be? I would cease to exist. It was really that simple.
Each time this happened, I actually felt like I was sitting at the edge of a cliff. I would sit at the edge of the cliff indefinitely. Practically speaking, I knew that I had the option of backing off from the cliff and immersing myself once again fully into life as I knew it. However, this was absolutely unacceptable to the part of me that wanted to be born. And the voice of that part had become a constant in my life. So, I would sit. As I would sit, I would strain and strain fruitlessly attempting to see what exactly was over the edge. Was there a safe place to land? Would I fall to my untimely death? Why was the unknown so scary? Why could I not just courageously leap?
I would inventory my mind and everything it contained. My thoughts, hopes, dreams, beliefs and memories. Much of what I reviewed, I did not like. But, even so, I clearly saw how where I was, was certainly a place of safety and comfort. Even if that was an illusion, it was a powerful one. I knew that if I wanted to experience a brand new inner terrain, I would have to ‘walk away’ from the one that I had. And I would simply become terrified.
Then, at some point, a permanent grayness would descend on my outer world. I would begin to feel an urgency that I had no other choice but to jump. I would leap! Each time, it would feel like I was ‘waking up’ into a more aware, and infinitely more conscious part of me. Yet, this process would repeat itself again and again. Each time, the terror was present. Each time, I was ecstatic once I jumped!
We are so much more than we are experiencing in this moment. We have so much more than we know. We are vastly more powerful than we can imagine. And there are no barriers between you and your most wonderful life, except the ones you have created. This means you are the one that holds the power in your evolution.
In order to receive everything we could hope and dream for, we must be willing to let go of everything we are holding onto. What we are holding onto is our limited perception of who we are. Even if we have a clue of our enormity, if we are not living it, we don’t really know it.
So remember, when it is your time, don’t hesitate.
And remember I love you.